You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
