Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
