i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
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It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
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You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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