there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize