physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
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I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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