a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
