i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
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