He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
