I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
