what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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