I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
