I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
