Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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