I just threw up on my dentist
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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