walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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