we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
