I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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