I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
