I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
