How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
