I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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