I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize