weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize