so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I currently don't understand fingers.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
