Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
