Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
