I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
