why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
