Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
