just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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