I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
