When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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