oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
