Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
