So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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