it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
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I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
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My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.