She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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