I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
be right there i have to get my cape
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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