listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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