He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
