Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
