Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
