i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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