do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
why is half of my head shaved?
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