How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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