At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
