8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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