when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
