I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
