You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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