i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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