Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
