so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
