Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
