I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Randomize