two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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