Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize