I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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