I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
