she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
