Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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