Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
