No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
