Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my sisters under your porch take her home
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
