the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
