every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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