You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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