Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
