The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
